Postpartum Style: It's Tricky

Two and a half years in, here's what I've learnt...

I generally shy away from talking about anything to do with motherhood online because I see it as a giant firepit of judgment doom. However, postpartum style is something that comes up a lot in the comments and messages that I receive from my audience. So talking about motherhood through the lens of fashion? Now that I can do!!

Before I go any further I will say that becoming a parent is a unique experience for every single one of us. No two people will experience it in the same way, so take what I say here with a pinch of salt. But finally, two and a half years in, the dust has settled. I love getting ready every morning. I feel like I’m a better judge of my personal style than ever before. I feel excited about fashion and drink it up at every opportunity. Although that previously might have made me feel a bit frivolous, these days I dig in even more because I know that feeling good in myself, mentally and physically, means that I can give my best to my little one. Plus, Ralph LOVES my big chunky gold earrings. So here you go, here are my thoughts so far…

My biggest takeaways:

• Be kind to yourself. The judgement in parenthood is next level, but do you know who is sometimes the worst? YOU. The pressure that we put on ourselves can be immensely overwhelming and my overriding piece of advice is to not be so hard on yourself. It’s cliche, but what advice would you give to a friend? Think of the kindness and softness you’d use to talk to them and talk to yourself in the same way. If for your sanity, you need to carve out time for yourself, then that’s 100% ok. Try and prioritise it in any way you can (I will say this is really, really hard and near impossible in the early days). But if getting dressed and style means something to you and makes you feel good, then lean into it.

• Everything is a phase. Just like your little one is growing out of onesies at a rate of knots, phases go by in a flash too (although it might not feel like it at the time!). The ‘my boobs are huge and nothing fits but I’m desperate to wear my clothes again’ phase. The ‘our baby will only sleep in the pushchair so we have to go for four walks a day’ phase - Mark and I had never been so fit in our lives! The ‘ridiculously messy and I’m constantly covered in mushed up food’ weaning phase The ‘learning to walk, my back hurts, I am sat on the floor all day’ phase. These are the four major phases that we went through and for each, my dressing needs changed. At the height of our buggy napping phase, I even bought a massive dog-walking thick coat that I inevitably ended up selling two months down the line once Ralph had decided that napping in his cot was cool. Purchases will probably need to be made, but keep in mind that they might not be needed in a month or two so buy secondhand where you can and try to think of the bigger long-term picture of your personal style.

• Time. TIME! Everyone says it, but time is a healer and when it comes to postpartum style it’s probably the biggest factor. Now this is going to be different for everyone, but I’d say that 18 months was a big turning point for me where I finally felt like myself again and that’s probably down to three reasons. It was around the time that we got additional childcare, so in turn that gave me a bit of extra time to regularly workout and gain some strength back. It also coincided with getting all the messy stuff out the way - milky sick, projectile poos, weaning, tumbles, falls and muddy puddles. The past year has not only been my favourite parenting phase to date - they are SO FUNNY!! - but also a year of feeling like myself again, feeling rooted in my personal style and just enjoying getting dressed.

• You can still have nice things! The number of people who told me to wave goodbye to my handbag collection was baffling! ‘Welp - only baby bags for you now!!’. And I’m here to tell you that you can still have nice things (and you don’t need a traditional baby bag - the Patagonia Black Hole Tote* is still serving us well 2½ years in). You won’t be covered in little tiny bits of broccoli forever. This too shall pass!! If you want to wear white jeans around kids you can! You’ll probably just have to do some washing in the evening - which you’ll probably be doing anyway. You don’t need to retire every single nice thing in your wardrobe - just look at Leandra’s brilliant series.

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A note on decluttering:

Decluttering is a tricky one, and it’s something I’ve marinated over for a while on what to say exactly. In all honesty, I just don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all approach here. So I’m going to link to my general decluttering post, and tell you what I ended up doing…

• If there was an item in my wardrobe that I wore a tonne in pregnancy then I did not want to ever see it again. HA! I eventually sold it all. I found it weirdly cathartic.

• If I looked at my wardrobe now, compared to say three years ago pre-pregnancy, I would say that only 10% of it remains the same. And the majority of those things are either shoes, bags and a handful of coats. A very, very small percentage of my pre-pregnancy wardrobe remains and that’s down to two factors. One - body changes. My boobs are long, my stomach spongier than before, my ribs wider. All things that I’ve made peace with but my clothing just didn’t fit me in the same way (if at all!). So for sizing reasons, I shifted a lot of it on resale sites. But I also felt like a new human and at some points in those early postpartum days, I NEEDED retail therapy (along with a lot of actual therapy too!). I’ve rebuilt myself - wardrobe included.

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Things that I found helpful:

• Allison Bornstein’s content. Finding a professional whose personal style really resonated with me, but also provided hands-on advice for me to apply to my own wardrobe was a game-changer. Her YouTube videos were a great starting point, but a one-on-one personal styling session was GOLDEN.

• Figuring out my three words. Another Allison-approved method, this has been such a North Star to me - not only in getting ready every morning but also for checking against anything that’s coming in (or out!), of my wardrobe. My three words are: classic, polished and un-done.

• Muting and unfollowing. Having a big ol’ social media cull can be a wonderful thing. I don’t love following accounts that make me feel a bit like a turd. I like following people who provide me with styling juice and ideas. It means that my scrolling provides some value to me and gets me excited.

• Playing in my wardrobe. Just spending time with my clothes. That sounds so funny to write, but you know what I mean? Last week I had a fancy pants event to go to and instead of heading online to find something new, I trundled off to my wardrobe to try things on and after a few attempts I found an outfit that I felt great in. Just taking the time to explore and play and have fun.

• Getting dressed every day. Look I’m not here to tell you to get dressed every day, especially not in those early days/weeks/months. You have ALL the pyjama days!! But now that I’m well into it, I appreciate the act of getting dressed every day. Even if it’s just into comfy working from home clothes. You don’t just find your personal style by looking online or making mood boards. It’s found in the act of getting dressed, making mistakes and finding combinations that you love.

  Sending a big ol’ hug to all the news mums out there. YOU’RE DOING AMAZING!! And if you found this helpful then please feel free to share ❤️