How To Reconcile An Active Life, Whilst Still Feeling 'Polished'
Answering the most frequently asked styling conundrum...
Each month, I run a style clinic for subscribers, and the majority of the time, the same comment bubbles to the top: something along the lines of the reader struggling to reconcile their personal style and wanting to feel a little polished with leading a particularly active life - young kids/dog walks/just generally being outdoors (or they are asking about raincoats that are practical but feel chic, in which case I’ll direct you to Melissa’s fab post on that exact topic). Polished is a little too precise; perhaps it’s just the feeling of being put together, like you’ve put some effort in, a little shine on an otherwise practical outfit, and if that’s the case, then I have just the guide for you, because… I’ve been there.
When I had my little one, it took me a solid two years to regain some kind of handle on my wardrobe. Between things not fitting and trying to find outfits to wear for pounding the pavements to get the new guy to nap that I actually felt good in, the whole thing took time. I had a far more active life than before, and instead of needing to find outfits for events or evenings out, I needed formulas that worked for the park, blending broccoli (aka cleaning HELL) and building train tracks on the floor. Two years in, something clicked, and it really came down to nailing two things. Firstly, the recipe and then, the ingredients.
Both elements need a bit of time dedicated to them. Whereas previously, I was more focused on the ‘what’ of the pieces I was buying, the AH-HA moment came when I shifted my mindset into ‘how’ I was mixing everything together. I figured out the vibe that I wanted my outfit formulas to convey whilst still being practical for my daily activities and married that with what was hanging in my wardrobe. Then, I purchased items that felt like missing pieces - some more pragmatic than others, and sometimes small items that could shift a whole outfit. These days, for the most part, I love what I wear on a daily basis. So, I hope these tips will speed up the process for you…
THE RECIPE
There’s a fine line here. You don’t want to overwhelm yourself with inspiration. A lot of what I come across on Pinterest is from people who live in a major city (I’m a suburbs girl these days), who work in more of a classic fashion setting than I do, and it’s not a life that’s truly representative of mine - or any of us really, we’re all our own special snowflakes. So it’s important to view any inspiration you come across through your own lense. There might be elements you can pull; texture combinations you like the look of. Shapes, fabrics, or colours you like together. It can still be helpful, without the need to replicate outfits exactly (Kelly and Bari did a great post on this). You know that you need your outfits to be practical, but what other elements do you want to pull to stop it feeling so one note?
A major moment for me was defining my three words - à la Allison Bornstein. Some people might argue that it’s too limiting to reduce it down to just three words. But from being ‘in it’ I felt like it gave me some direction. It took away the confusion I was feeling and gave me somewhere to aim. When you’re getting ready in the morning, it can give you a mental checklist to tick off. I personally found it very, very helpful. A paint by numbers, whilst you get a feel for painting freehand. We all have to start somewhere, right?
In terms of actually finding your three words, I booked a session with the QUEEN herself (a brilliant investment in my eyes). But to do it yourself, I’d recommend starting with this video and go down an Allison rabbit-hole (this Goop article has a video that’s a little more concise if you want the cliffnotes). If you’re struggling to define them Allison suggests that one practical word, one aspirational and one emotional is a good starting point. I realised that I wanted my daily outfits to feel:
Classic - for there to be a timeless element to them. Ultimately I love comfortable basics to be at the core of what I’m wearing.
Polished - an area which felt a little aspirational. I wanted my outfits to be elevated, refined and more tailored than what I was currently wearing.
Undone - for there to be an organic feel. A word that encouraged me to add texture and relaxed siloettes. I didn’t want to feel too buttoned up.
With more of a defined recipe in mind, I felt like I was able to start putting outfits together that still worked for my plans for the day, but were sprinkled with these three elements, and so conveyed more of the vibe of my own personal style. Now, onto the details…
THE INGREDIENTS
Find YOUR Flat Shoes. From my experience, flat, comfortable shoes are a must. I felt, for some reason, that this meant that I needed to add a chunky trainer to my wardrobe. So I did, and I sort of hated them from the get-go, but I ended up buying them in multiple colourways, thinking that perhaps I just needed variety. Perhaps a chunky trainer is what you need, and that works for you and your style. But for me - classic, polished and undone - I needed things that felt a little more modern and timeless. Here’s my flat shoe wardrobe that I reach for the most:
For wet and rainy walks - Dear Frances Park Boots (no longer available, but similar to these*). Just a leather, lace-up, chunky-soled leather boot.
For muddy walks - Converse Chuck 70 Trainers* - you need to clean your shoes post-walk anyway, so I love that you can throw these in the washing machine (and to be honest these days if it’s really muddy - I’m finding a way to convince my little guy to stay inside!).
For longer walks on drier days - loafers - I never realised they could be comfortable. Personally I love a suede pair as they feel the most slipper-ish, but preloved pairs are great as they are already broken in. If you want to push the boat out and invest, these are like wearing butter*.
For walks in the summer - flip-flops or the Emme Parsons Bari Sandals* - again it’s just about finding options that are comfortable for you. I can easily do upwards of 10k steps in either of these.
Do the same for coats. Just because you need to layer up in a practical way, it doesn’t have to be boring. In the early days when my son would only nap in a bassinet that was being pushed, I once bought a head-to-toe puffer jacket and instantly sold it because even though it was terribly practical, it just wasn’t me. So over the years I’ve found park-appropriate coats and jackets that don’t feel like a compromise. Here are four that I reach for the most:
A trench coat - Toteme Trench Coat* (good dupes here* and here*). A nice light layer to throw on in the mornings for childcare drop-off, or just when you know you’re going to be SWEATING later in the day, try a trench with a t-shirt or vest top underneath.
A quilted jacket - ARKET Quilted Jacket (no longer available, but this is similar*). One of my more practical buys, but there was something about the shape that felt a bit Toteme to me.
A raincoat - GANNI PVC Tiger Print Raincoat (no longer available, but I always feel like The Outnet* have good options). One of the best things I’ve ever bought. Sometimes you just need to be practical, so why not buy something that you love?
A heavy wool coat - COS Wool Coat (no longer available, but this is similar*). In the winter I’m bundling up in this and throwing on a jumper, jeans and chunky leather boots (with a big gold earring).
Find ways to work with texture. When I look back at outfits that I once wore that I now don’t like, there’s a major theme. They all lack texture. And without texture, it can all feel just a bit bland. Everything was very smooth. If you’re like me and love a neutral, then texture is what is going to add contast and tension to your outfits and ultimately make them feel a whole more polished and complete. Just mixing jeans and a t-shirt, with a suede loafer and a cowhide belt is going to hit differently to if you wore it with a smooth leather shoe and a leather belt. There’s nothing wrong with the latter outfit, but the former has a bit more personality to it. Here are some items that feel like they fit into more active outfits that help me to add texture:
A cowhide animal print belt (like this*) - a good way to add texture and a bit of personality into jeans and t-shirt outfits.
A chunky cable knit jumper (here* and here*) - if you’re addicted to crew neck jumpers like me, then this is a good way of mixing it up.
Textured leather tote bag (here* and a dupe here*) - quite often I don’t wear a bag at the weekends, but something that’s big and roomy is what I do reach for.
Oversized leather jacket (here* and a good dupe*) - I get a lot of wear out of mine out and about because they are wipe clean!
Suede loafers (like these*) - a flat shoe option (if the weather permits it!) that can add texture when the rest of your outfit feels flat.
Knitted wide-leg trousers (very tempted by these*) - a good alternative to jeans that work well as your body shifts and changes.
Don’t underestimate the styling ‘sprinkles’. Utilising accessories was a major step in putting outfits together that I just skipped for most of my life. For the longest time I didnt’t own a belt! Now I reach for one weekly. If you feel like your base outfit is channeling ‘active’ and it all feels one note, then use these styling sprinkles to give nods to your three words. For me here’s how I add them in without changing that base outfit:
Classsic - if I feel like I’m veering off the classic track then I’ll add in a structured, smooth leather bag or throw on my Ray-Ban Wayfarers.
Polish - most often this is what my outfit lacks. The easiest way that I inject it is with my jewellery collection* and more often than not, a chunky gold earring. But sometimes I like to add a belt with a big ol’ gold buckle*.
Undone - never forget the hair! Most days I wear my hair air-dried and in a loose wave, which helps to give me overall outfit a more undone feel. If it’s greasy and I need to pull it back, then I’ll give a nod to a more relaxed feel with an unstructured, textured bag.
Just get used to doing washing. You’re doing mountains of washing daily anyway, so what’s another pair of jeans? So often when I share my outfits people despair of it getting ruined, and sure, white jeans last a day and a white t-shirt will 100% be going back into the washing that evening, but I wouldn’t say anything I’ve worn has got ruined. Ralph was violently ill all over a Toteme jumper one time and it’s fiiiiine!!! I’m a ‘True Autumn’ and black just isn’t my colour!! Clothes are there to be worn, so wear ‘em. The only exception to this rule is suede. I’m always weary to wear that around littles because the cost of getting suede items cleaned is upwards of £75+ - so *there* is where I would exercise caution.
Ignore what everyone else is wearing. A big part of my postpartum struggle was not feeling like I fitted in. I didn’t like a ‘mum’ and felt like all other mums where part of some club that I just couldn’t get access to. From the way they acted with eachother, to how they cared for their children, and even the way they dressed - it just didn’t feel like me. And to some extent I still feel that way. I’m doing my own version of ‘mum’ - we all are! These days I just care less about what everyone else is doing and I have more confidence in my own abilties now I have a few years under my belt. So that means I also ignore what others are wearing. If it’s not the norm to wear loafers to the park then that’s ok - I’m wearing them anyway. Might I be the only one in a cream jacket doing a walk on a windy day? Maybe? But no one gives two hoots. We’re all just trying to find ways to reconcile messy outdoor activities with our own personal style and that’s going to look different for everyone.
I feel like there’s a part two to this post - perhaps putting these tips into action and cooking up some formulas for the autumn/winter months for you? So let me know if you’d like to see that. But in the meantime, I hope that armed you with some practical advice. Just because you’re here, there and everywhere, it doesn’t mean you have to hate what you’re wearing. In fact you just have more opportunities to wear your fab outfits out in the wild. Enjoy!
Anna x
Great post! One year postpartum, I feel like my wardrobe and overall style vision are still all over the place. But so are most aspects of my life! I'm trying to give myself lots of grace and permission to go with the flow until I regain some balance (and sleep).
"A big part of my postpartum struggle was not feeling like I fitted in. I didn’t like a ‘mum’ and felt like all other mums where part of some club that I just couldn’t get access to. From the way they acted with eachother, to how they cared for their children, and even the way they dressed - it just didn’t feel like me."
I definitely felt this way at first! I'd show up to indoor play and see my red leather sandals stick out in a sea of Birkenstocks and sneakers. But then I realized I was just fixating on the patterns. On first glance, it might seem like all the "other moms" are dressing the same, but looking closer I could see a diversity of styles and personal touches. It is easy to feel like there's a great divide between you and other parents/caregivers, but I think some of it is due to our own perception. Once I started seeing other moms as individuals, I felt more at ease embracing my version of motherhood, along with the clothes I was choosing to accompany me on this journey.
I loved EVERYTHING about this article Anna: thank you! I completely relate to the lost feeling of the postpartum years, when you’re trying to reconcile this new life with your old self. I had such a battle! So great to be reminded of the importance of our three words, and all these ideas for how to level-up our outfits. I’ll be putting it into practise today!